Men In Circle (MIC) - A Circle Practice Story

Tenneson Woolf offers us a glimpse into the camaraderie of men, who meet online in a regular rhythm of monthly timing and pattern of Circle.

Men In Circle (MIC) — A Circle Practice Story

For several months now a small men’s group, usually 6-8 of us, have been forming beautiful friendship and camaraderie in Circle. We are “Men In Circle.” We meet online, Zoom style. We range in ages, 20s - 60s. We range in occupations, students to seasoned professionals. We range in life orientations. We each carry with us some wounded masculine. Sometimes we know that. We also each carry with us some celebrated masculine. Sometimes we laugh and cheer that.

Circle coheres what we men share. Our stories. Our yearnings. Our tender acknowledgments. Sometimes our confessions. Circle coheres us — it gives us structure and spirit — to explore what it is like to be men these days and how we aspire to be in healthy learning and practice about all of that.

I have learned in many years of Circle — participating, hosting, teaching, habiting, quietly steering — that human beings most everywhere wish connection. Most wish insight and intuition about the circumstances and the people that they care about. Most wish contexts in which authenticity is not only welcomed, but normed. We sometimes forget this in our brains and habits of contemporary living. But we remember it again, through the ways that Circle turns us to one another and to our not-aloneness together.

With all of this in mind, my buddy Cory Thorell and I set out to create the uniqueness of Men In Circle. We wanted a space to explore our own evolution of masculinity. We wanted a format for welcoming other men to jump in. Let me tell you about how our Men In Circle works. You can reach us if you have further questions. Or point those you know, to us, for a place of welcome. Or try for yourself what we do in Circle.

  1. Our sessions are 90 minutes, online (we’ve gathered once in-person for those local and able; we met at my home for waffles, story, Circle). Cory offers the zoom room. We typically meet every 3 ish weeks. 19 have participated. We are usually 4-5 who come regularly and then a mix of 3-4 other men that show up in different combinations. Though rectangular in zoom appearance, we are very circular in our orientation.

  2.  We start with a welcome. It takes about five minutes. Currently that is me and / or Cory. We remind the gathered men of our most basic intentions and purpose — we want to practice, witness, and cultivate a healthy masculinity together. We remind the group that the world at large really needs this. We remind the group that Circle is our primary format. We aren’t here to just talk. We are here to hold each other in Circle and to be held by Circle.

  3.  Next for us is check-in. Most often, spaciously. We talk about check-in as one of our “essential bookends” of gathering — “We must first say hello to each other.” Often we are quite general. “How are you as you arrive tonight? What are some of the things that have your attention?” We remind people that none of us will say everything; rather, a few things that reveal a bit of how each is doing. To keep it Circly, we say, “we want to hear from each person in the group before anyone speaks a second time.” As choice, we don’t steer who goes first or next. We let that emerge organically. We remind people of an agreement of confidentiality — “we need places where we men can be unpolished together.” We offer some math, “two minutes each,” so that people know at what scale they are invited to share and contribute.

  4.  Next, sometimes, is a resource that one of us brings. Having grown some Circle legs and rhythm over the months, Cory and I are now inviting others to bring a resource. Sometimes an archetype card deck to draw from. Sometimes a poem to reflect upon. Sometime a video clip. Sometimes a couple of good questions.We are about to experiment with a short story and fable as the resource. Whatever the resource, it’s purpose is to help us further connect what is inner and personal to what is outer and universal.
    Here’s an example. Recently Glen, one of my most trusted Circle friends, guided us thoughtfully. He begins, “From the last week, what is one of your peaks? What is one of of your valleys? What is one of your trails?” Glen’s questions are simple, yet they invite each of us to reach just a bit. To trust just a bit. To figure out what we wish to share in the moment, supported by Circle. As Glen framed it, peak is something your are proud of. Valley is something that that was more difficult. Trail is something that continues. Glen invites spacious reflecting (not one sentence answers). I loved seeing our Men In Circle settle together through two rounds (the second round was popcorn style, hearing a few extra reflections).

  5.  Stirred as we often are, at this point we remain thoughtful about Circle’s required closing. It’s check-out, the other essential bookend. We ask for it with similar direction to check-in — “let’s hear from each of us, a few closing words for tonight.” We frame this round of Circle appreciatively. “What is one thing that was important to you from our time together tonight?” We hold timing with a bit more specificity on this one. If there are three minutes left, we ask for one sentence from each person. We don’t enforce that, but it signals a scale and shared tending of final words for each person. Our group has learned not to open something new when checking-out. Rather, to contribute to tucking in.

The Circle Way Components Wheel is an informal guide for me and Cory. It is a map. It gives us things to remember, things to learn, things to do, and values to emphasize. We don’t teach a lot with Men In Circle. But we model Circle when helpful — a little steering here and there. As I write in Gifts of Circle, “When it is important to shift from social interaction to a more deliberate kind of listening and speaking that isn’t cross-talking banter, Circle is our friend.” This listening together, this is one of the healthy masculines that we so wish.

For these Men In Circle, we are growing muscular memory of what integrates masculine and feminine. Check-in. Check-out. Listening. Speaking honestly. Spaciousness. Holding and passing a talking piece. Orienting to a center. Our Circle story, Men In Circle, is of a most simple yet impactful practice. We are patterning Circle. Circle is patterning us. In our connection, our courage, our compassion as men in beautiful friendship, camaraderie, and journey to reclaim healthy masculine.

Enjoy some of Tenneson’s current offerings:

Tenneson Woolf - My work over 30+ years — as a facilitator, workshop leader, teacher, writer, poet, coach, and guide — has been to improve collaboration and imagination in groups, teams, individuals, and organizations. I guide and teach and connect ways of doing with ways of being. I create and invite experiences that bring a little more wisdom and kindness to what people most care about. A little more helpfulness and life-giving energy. A little more becoming and belonging.

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