Tenneson Woolf shares a story of hosting a group in a stuck period of conflict, and the simple format that made a difference.

Reset — Gaining Clarity In A Time of Conflict

In my work with groups of people, sometimes specific teams, I have learned that the best of people periodically need reset. It’s reset of intention to remember what matters. Sometimes it’s reset of momentum to find an ease in flow together. Sometimes it’s a general spirit of pause and retreat, to contribute health and wellness relationally. And sometimes it’s to interrupt conflict or tension that has arisen and gotten stuck.

I recently hosted a group in such a stuck period of conflict. It was thick. It had the feeling of people protective.

Circle is what I turn to most often in such a time. I’ve learned that each having a chance to speak can make alchemical difference together. Circle, and, an intention to back up to more essential human qualities of listening and sharing together. I’ve learned that a simple format and deliberate questions can make a world of difference.

This is what it looked like this time.

Welcome — saying some of the things above. I tend to set the context for connection and learning, sharing and witness, rather than a fix through regurgitating all the details.

Check-In — with Check-In the invitation is always to share a little of how you are, how you are arriving into this space together. And in this case, an added question — what is one of the things that is important to you in this meeting?

Round — passing the piece again in circle. What do you need to say to reset contributing in a good way? This is deliberately worded. Emphasizing the energy of reset and the purpose of contributing in good ways.

Round — another round to go deeper. Is there something you wish to say to bring understanding and kindness to this situation? This question also invokes responsibility for particular purpose.

Check-Out — I tend to rely on more witness here. What is it from today’s circle that has felt particularly important today? Is there a particular commitment you will fulfill to help bring energy and action to this reset?

It’s not unusual to feel conflict in a group. Admittedly, sometimes for me it is sad. I worry about it. However, I’ve learned that the healthier position is one of recognizing that most of us are learning to recognize and work through individual and collective shadow. I’ve learned that an orientation to health helps to move the group along, sometimes in deliberate reset. And I’ve learned again, that the questions asked set the tone for how we will relocate a path of contributing together.

Here’s to finding enough clarity and wisdom to find enough of our way in the good that we are each wishing to contribute.

Tenneson Woolf is a facilitator, workshop leader, teacher, and writer. He designs and leads meetings in participative formats. To help people be smart together. To get people interacting with each other — learning together, building relationships, and focused on projects. To get deeper to the heart of what matters. From strategic visioning with boards to large conference design. He has been a practitioner of Circle and other participative forms for 20+ years. He also currently offers an online wisdom series and 16-month leadership journey and rite of passage His lineages include The Berkana Institute, The Circle Way, and The Art of Hosting. Living systems, self-organization, and emergence inspire his work. Learn more about him at tennesonwoolf.com.